Well, I was supposed to write about sleep deprivation this morning before work but, I was busy napping due to the shitty sleep I got last night. Oh, and by “napping”, I mean laying in the recliner, watching Tabatha’s Salon Takeover and dozing off here and there. Anyone that knows me knows I suffer from random bouts of insomnia. Insomnia is a son of a bitch and f*ck you if you have not experienced it. Don’t you dare come at me with that ‘I stay up late all the time’ shit, either. You probably end up sleeping all day long. Newsflash! Staying up until 3am and then sleeping until 1pm is NOT insomnia. Talk to me when you attempt go to sleep at 11pm, don’t fall asleep until 5am or so and wake up at 8am like CLOCKWORK. Oh yeah, and in between 5am and 8am, you wake up at least 6 or 7 times.
My insomnia is so bad, I can’t even nap correctly. Who the hell fails at napping? I f*cking do. I will doze off for about 10 minutes. After that, I start snoring so loud, I wake myself up. Yeah. I snore. Laugh it up, everyone. It adds character. What has helped me through these horrific insomniac phases is.....(drum roll please) Valerian Root! Or, V-root as I like to call it. That shit is magical. Take it around 8 or 9 and I’m asleep by 11.
And you dildos that claim to only need 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. Shut the hell up. You probably have some closet speed addiction that helps you get through the day. When I sleep for anything less than 7 hours, I feel like I cannot function. I actually hallucinate. Shit. I hope those were hallucinations. They probably were....right?