So, you just spent your life savings on that new movie that’s playing....maybe it’s some new Harry Potter shit, maybe it’s a romantic comedy (a rom-com, if you will), it might even be some god awful movie featuring Angelina Jolie.  Whatever your movie of choice is, you’re super excited to see it.  You bought your $9 bag of popcorn and your $7 soda.  You have your movie sweater and you are ready to go.  They show some previews of some movies you may or may not see.  Whatever.  The lights are dimmed!  Hell yeah!  It’s almost showtime!!!  Finally the movie starts.  About 20 minutes into it, some asshole starts talking.  Well guess what, jerks!!  That asshole is me!  That’s right.  I am, in fact, a movie talker.  Bet you didn’t think I would take that approach when you submitted this on the reader’s rant page (I know it was you, Mom!!), did you?  Listen, I also just spent my whole life savings to watch this movie!  If i want to make some comments here and there about the movie, I am going to do just that.  Chances are, the douche that is spending the whole movie trying to open his bag of Twizzlers is causing more of a ruckus than I am by talking.  Really, people...How the hell hard is it to open up a bag of candy?!  Oh. I’m sorry.  Is my talking distracting you from the guy that is texting on his bright ass cell phone?!  What about the lady that couldn’t find a baby sitter so she brought her young children to the late showing of the R rated movie ?  Those turds should be in bed but all they want to do is run up and down the damn aisles.  How about the kid that keeps kicking the back of your chair?  In my opinion, all that other shit is more annoying than my talking.  Don’t like it?  Too f*cking bad.  While you’re busy complaining to the 17 year old movie theatre manager, I’ll be enjoying the movie that I just had to take out a loan to go see. 



  1. HAHAHA!!!! I'm a movie talker too...always have been and always will be! And you're damn right if I paid an arm and a leg to see the movie I'm gonna talk about it all the live long day if I choose to! Get over yourselves and shut that crying baby up while I'm trying to enjoy the soft core porn shower scence! -FORD

  2. *scene...I can spell! -FORD

  3. lol..i love u guys! -Andrea