shark week!

For all of you booger eaters that aren’t aware, shark week starts tonight.  I don’t know about any of you but, I am pretty damn stoked.  While I do not enjoy getting in the water at the beach for fear of being eaten by a shark, I do love to watch sharks eat shit on TV....ya know, in the comfort of my own home.  
I was just watching a program called ‘10 Deadliest Sharks’.  Ah...basically, sharks are no joke.  There’s this shark called a Sand Tiger that eats it’s own siblings in the womb.  Seriously?!  These bitches are eating shit before they are even BORN.  Apparently, these sharks are even referred to as ‘baby cannibals’. I repeat, BABY CANNIBAL.  That is something I do not want to f*ck with.  What if there were little baby humans running around eating other babies?  Would you wanna have a playdate with that bad ass baby?  And just imagine what a pain in the ass that kid would be as it got older.  

"Hello.  I ate all my siblings.  Wanna hang out?"

On that same '10 Deadliest Sharks' program, I believe I heard a guy say that the Tiger Shark’s teeth can cut through bone.  It might have been another shark so don’t quote me on that.  The important part of that sentence is the fact that there is a shark out there that can (and probably will, if given the chance) eat right through your BONE.  No thanks. 
Then, there was some other show where these guys were just throwing things into the water to see if the sharks would eat them.  I came to the conclusion that sharks are like babies.  They put everything in their mouths just for shits and gigs.  If it tastes good, they will eat it.  So, the shark may not eat you whole but it will at least bite you.  One of the sharks on that show turned down ham but went for a license plate which leads me to believe that sharks may be smarter than previously reported because, well, ham is disgusting.  I would probably rather eat a piece of metal over ham as well...but I’m getting off topic here...
Now, I am not knocking surfers or kayakers or anyone else that takes part in some sport that requires you to be in the ocean so don’t turn into a sissy la-la and get all lame and offended once you read my next sentence.  If you want to risk your limbs to catch a sweet wave, be my guest but do NOT come crying to me when a shark bites one (or all!!) of your limbs clear off.  Matter of fact, stay the hell away from me with that nubby shit. 


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