muffin tops...

 ...Everyone’s favorite, right?!  That oh so attractive hunk of fat that hangs over the front AND sides of one’s pants.  Sometimes, if someone has a super awesome muffin top, it hangs over the back of their pants as well.  They seem to be more and more common lately and that is what drove me to write this.  Big girls have them.  Every fat guy on every sitcom has one.  Even skinny bitches have them now (I’ll save that for another post).  I have even seen girls as young as elementary school age with muffin tops.  That is what concerns me most.  How the shit is THAT happening?  I’m hoping their parents are being neglectful and not buying them pants that fit....otherwise, I’m afraid the human race has somehow evolved and babies are now coming out of the womb with the dreaded muffin top (gasp!).  If it is indeed the latter, I am going to make an appointment to have a complete hysterectomy immediately because I will not be forced to have a child with a muffin top.  Stop buying pants that are 5 sizes too small and wear something that suits you.  Also, get rid of the funhouse mirrors you have in your house that are leading you to believe that you look good with all that shit hanging over your pants.  Please.  I am begging you.  Do not make me have muffin top babies one day.  Plus, I mean....it just looks better.  You’ll thank me later. 


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